Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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