Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
