apparently the secret to your success is patron
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
