it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
