I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
