You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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