I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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