I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
