Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
