is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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