I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
