Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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