can u get pink eye on your cock?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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