I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
