You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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