drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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