in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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