Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
