He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want her autograph on my taint
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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