The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize