quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
