Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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