I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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