All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
