I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
