if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
