We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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