a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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