i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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