i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
