I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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