we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
