It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
