We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
