Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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