You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
