Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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