At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
