I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
