weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
