I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize