is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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