Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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