it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
