You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i love accidental penises.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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