I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
