is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
