i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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