please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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