he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
