kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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