we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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