I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
