I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
