im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
