Define "chronic" masturbator.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
