I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Please don't give away my fajitas
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
