Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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