She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
