I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
