I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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