Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
