I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize