it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
