She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize