I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
