I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
