Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
