i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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