were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
