Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
