you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
