Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
