I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
As shirtless as possible
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
