either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
