Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
