even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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