Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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