we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
