Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
