no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
