i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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