so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
