Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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