we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
