I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drake has all the answers
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
