Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
