I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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