you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
