i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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