Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
