Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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