i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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