a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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