I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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