Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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