My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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