I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
