apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
