Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
