you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
