Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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