Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize