I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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