Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just tell him i said nine months
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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