i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
