Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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