Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
