Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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