Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
