Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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